you are my wild

Have you seen this?  A group of photographers posting portraits of their own children weekly.  I like the idea...to force me to get out my camera and take a portrait each week.

It also goes along with one of my "resolutions" (if you can call it that - see last post. ;) - to get IN the photos with my kids/family more often.  Nothing like a year of being bald to get you over whatever inhibitions you have about being in front of the camera.  Cause now, regardless of how I'm dressed or if I have makeup on, at least I have hair!

I'll post a recent one...I was getting ready to take photos of a dear friend's daughter for her applications for ballet intensives, and of course my short-lived-ballerina decided she needed one too! ;)

new horizons

Here we are again, the beginning of a new year.  How long ago it seems I was looking at 2012 with so many plans and ideas and goals...ha.  Seems life had a different idea for me.  I can't remember what any of those goals were - cut down on sugar?  Probably something about getting really fit or running or something.  It seems to be so unimportant now. 

I love Ali's one word project and I probably had a word for last year, though again it completely escapes me.  Priorities change so much.  My word for this year is simply: live.  That's it (with a short i, live ;).  Yes, in the obvious way that I'd like to be around the remainder of the year, knowing even that is not guaranteed.  But beyond that, to just live.  Be healthy but not watch every little thing I eat or kick myself if I can't do a pull-up.  Enjoy my kids and not worry if it means we're sitting on the couch in our pj's watching the fourth Veggie Tales movie instead of doing some amazing art project.  

Looking back through the blog entries from last year, I realize that there's a large gap...and it was at the END of the year, which means I was done with treatment and wasn't blogging because I was busy living!  So no guarantees I'll blog at all this year.  Or do portraits again.  Or do a family scrapbook, or make my kids' pajamas for Christmas.  I can tell you that right now I'm sipping a cup of hot tea (with sugar - gasp!) and just appreciating that I have another new year to celebrate.  

Here's to living this new year, and how grateful I am to have it. :)

- Ellen

amber and brian

 Thank you to the amazing Kim Jackson for coming to Maine to photograph my little brother's wedding! :)

Project 12: childhood

Project 12: Spaces

 

Not my favorite space, per se, but I've spent a lot of time here in the past few months, so I thought I'd document it...

top:  the fabulous nurses...you must be a special nurse to work in oncology, because they were all wonderful. The next picture is me in the "chemo suite" - ha!  A funny name, you'd think we got massages and sipped champagne.  Not quite, but they do try to make it as cozy as possible, with quilts hanging on the walls, leather recliners, and blankets since they keep the suites frigid.  And I'm looking pretty dopey after an entire IV bag of Benadryl (to counteract the allergic reaction Taxol causes)...yep, I slept through most of chemo.

middle:  the drips, my rock, and the nurses coming in for their tradition for one's last round of chemo:  they blow bubbles as a farewell.  

bottom:  my favorite nurse ever, and my last chemo treatment (hopefully ever)! 

Project 12: Nature

You'd think I'd be able to keep up with one photo a month!  I'm learning to let things go, though, and do what I can. To enjoy the good days and try to keep my head above water on the bad days...to remind myself that they won't last forever.

If you're going to get cancer, I recommend getting it in the spring (ha - like we have any choices in the matter!)  For one thing, hats are on sale at REI.  For another, there's something very comforting about having fresh lilacs blooming outside your window.  So even on the bad days when you can't get out of bed for long, you have sunshine pouring in your window, and glimpses of color, and little bits of fragrance when you open it.  I think it would be much harder, psychologically, to look out on a barren landscape.  Having new life springing forth while you're battling a silent battle gives one strength. 

Project 12: Portrait

 

March's blog post was going to be on portraiture...and while I admit I haven't been documenting my journey much beyond my iphone, Kim did these for us this week, and I'm so grateful for them...cancer is somewhat of a personal journey, but more of a collective one.  I couldn't do any of it without Walt (who calls himself my "wingman"), my kids, family, friends, and even virtual friends around the world who encourage me daily.  

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience by which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.” - Eleanor Roosevelt

- Ellen